Vampire Darcy’s Desires

That’s right, it’s a real book. Regina Jeffers apparently woke up one day and thought “you know what the world needs? More Pride and Prejudice adaptations! Especially ones involving vampires.” And so Vampire Darcy’s Desires was born.

In all honesty, it is a horrible, horrible book. I’m pretty sure Ms. Jeffers either didn’t actually read Pride and Prejudice or completely missed the part where Lizzie has a personality. Imagine Twilight, but with Pride and Prejudice characters, and you’ll understand what Vampire Darcy’s Desires is all about. Lizzie spends all her time swooning over Darcy and wishing he would consummate their marriage (which oddly enough, happens pretty early on in the book). Occasionally she’ll do something shockingly unladylike, such as pick up a sword or have a thought of her own, but soon after she’ll be thinking about her great passion for Darcy, and how much she wants him to ravish her.  Darcy spends all his time thinking about how much it sucks to be a vampire, and how much he wants to ravish Lizzie and never have any children for fear of passing on “the curse”. Really, it’s some great, prize winning stuff. Ahem.

I’m not really in to P+P adaptations, I usually think they’re a pretty unoriginal and boring idea. However, if for some reason you do want to read one, check out Pride, Prejudice and Zombies before you pick up Vampire Darcy’s Desires. It’s a lot more fun, it has pictures, and it includes some good ass-kicking!

I probably would not have been able to finish Vampire Darcy’s Desires without my friend Kelly’s comments. She (hilariously) decided that the book needed some commentary, and supplied it. Her ingenious idea has led to the creation of a little group we like to call “Sisterhood of the Traveling Book” so if you have any ideas of terrible, hilarious books please recommend them!

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